Palm Trees, Picking Locks and Hank Williams Jr.

One day after work, Marisa had just come back from
the grocery store and we were outside on the back
porch sitting in our plastic chairs talking about the
next few days events. The neighbor came down the
alley to park. Jasper has a special way of greeting
our neighbor by standing at the fence and barking like
an idiot. Naturally the first thing Marisa and I do is
put him inside. So we did!

Later when we were going to open the door we realized
it was locked!

Now back about 8 months ago the same issue arose. The
door was locked; it was 3 a.m., I told Marisa to back
up away from the door. I proceeded to kick the door
in. Yep sounded good at the time considering the hour.
However after the $150 we spent to fix the door I was
not about to do it again this time. The only logical
thing was to call a Locksmith. One problem. Jasper was
now on the opposite side of the door doing what? Yep
you guessed it, barking like an idiot. I thought this
is going to be interesting watching the Locksmith try
and open the door with Mr. Jackass acting a fool.

Marisa went to the other neighbors house and called
the Locksmith.

So we were in for a wait now. Marisa and I walked
around the front of the house to wait for the
Locksmith. We figured at least Jasper would stop
barking. No not really. He found him a place in the
front window and proceeded to continue his
foolishness. While waiting, Marisa picked up a few
palm tree branches that had found their way in our
front yard. I took one and began to take it to the
trash around the back.

I almost threw the palm branch in the trash when it
occurred to me. I bet I can fashion a shimmy stick out
of this and open that door. So I began to strip it and
got a rock (which are plentiful in Arizona) and sanded
the outside bark off with it. After a few tries and a
little modification, wouldnt you know it, the Palm
branch opened the door. I was a little amazed myself.

Well we had already called the Locksmith and tried to
call back and tell him we didnt need him anymore.
Regardless he did show up. The locksmith was not
amused by Marisas story that we had already opened
the door. She offered to pay his trip fee of $20 and
call it good. Well I guess $20 is better than $150.

The moral to the story:

A Country Boy Can Survive! Country Folk Can Survive!

Baseball in the Afternoon

After work one Saturday back in 1998, a friend and me were watching a Cubs game on WGN. (Cubs and Astros) This friend, we will call him “Junior” for the purpose of this narrative, was commenting on the announcer. Junior was screaming, “That guy is Drunk”. The announcer was none other than Harry Carrey. Maybe he was drunk I don’t know. It seemed ironic though, Junior was getting drunk. The more he drank, the louder and more animated he got.

I should give you some background on Junior. Junior was a semi-professional baseball player back in the 1970’s for the Double A Arkansas Travelers. He was a catcher. The other thing of note about Junior was his claim to infamy. In the late 1970’s he was arrested for drug trafficking and sentenced to ten years in the Arkansas State Penal System. Now why am I telling you these two things about Junior you ask? Well two reasons. It shows that for one he knew his baseball. Regardless of anything else Junior was very knowledgeable about the sport. Two, it shows he was/is crazy. Anyone who gets busted with a warehouse of stolen prescription drugs is fucking nuts.

The afternoon went on and Junior continued his irate behavior. At one point during the game the cameraman panned a shot over Waveland Avenue. There was a man sitting in a chair on top of a building watching the game. This did not sit well with Junior. He began to scream and holler. Something about “seeing the game for free” and that the “man was a cheap bastard”. During this tirade Sammy Sosa came up to the plate to bat. Once Junior saw who it was, he said, “ I hope he hits the ball out of the park and knock that guy out of his chair”. Well wouldn’t you know it, The very next pitch, Sammy Sosa hits it out of the park over Waveland avenue and completely shatters the window directly under the guy who Junior was bitching about. This is where things just went berserk. Junior was jumping up and down like a little leprechaun in his recliner screaming, “I told you so, I told you so”.

I was stunned.

The next morning I stopped in at the gas station for a few unimportant items. As I walked by the newsstand I noticed something. There it was on the front page of the Houston Chronicle. The shattered window and what appeared to be the same man sitting in his chair watching the game. Full story followed.

WILD!